Opening The Window

Looking into the heart of Kimmy

Lately, I’ve been struggling with a LOT, and trying to discern how I’m called to live out this life that is mine.

For me, there’s real value in sharing the struggles. It helps me process what I’m walking through, and it opens the door for others to share their own experiences and perspectives.

At the same time, I often hold back—especially with the harder things—because I don’t want it to come across as complaining. I know there are many of you carrying burdens just as heavy, if not heavier, than mine.

But I’m learning that struggle is still struggle.

More and more, I feel God gently urging me to share—not perfectly, but honestly—through the lens of faith… how I see the world from my own window.

So I’m opening that window of vulnerability and honesty, just a little more, and sharing more truthfully with you about many things. Today, it’s really just about how one piece of my reality impacts my day to day life

I want to help others understand.

So here goes.

Many of you know that I live with chronic pain and may or may not know that the root of my pain is a condition known as CRPS (aka RSD), a neurological condition where the nervous system doesn’t function the way it should. It tends to overreact—sending constant pain signals even when there’s no clear reason to.

Day to day for me, that can look like burning, stabbing, aching pain, extreme sensitivity to touch, brain fog, and deep, unrelenting fatigue. It affects movement, energy, and even the simplest day-to-day tasks. Some days are manageable. Other days, everything feels like too much.

I’m learning to pace myself, adjust expectations, and celebrate small wins—because sometimes just getting through the day is the win.

I lean on my faith a lot—but if I’m being honest, this journey has stretched it in ways I didn’t expect. I know God is fully capable of healing…so I’ve asked the hard questions too. Why not me? Is there something I’ve missed? Something I should be doing differently?

This clip from season three of #TheChosen had me feeling as though I were there, in Little John’s place, with ALL the feels. Of course, wanting healing like Little John does and questioning why our God of possibilities and miracles hasn’t done it for me yet.

I hope you’ll watch… it speaks a powerful message…especially for me. (They don’t allow embeds, so you’ll need to copy and open the link…sorry!)

I don’t always have those answers and I am learning to live in the questions.

But what I do know is this:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted…” (Psalm 34:18)

And I’ve felt that closeness—right in the middle of the pain, the questions, the fatigue…even the doubt.

I’m also learning that life doesn’t always skip to the “beautiful ending.” Sometimes it’s a process of becoming. There are seasons of pressure, of feeling confined, of doing the hard, unseen work of just holding on. And somehow, over time, God uses even that to shape something new in us—something we couldn’t have become any other way. This is the gift…being shaped and molded into the ME God intends.

Some days I handle it well.

Some days…if I’m honest, I don’t want to cope at all. I just want a few moments of complete relief.

But even in that, I keep showing up.

Receiving this Cameo from @JordanWalkerRoss (who plays “Little James” on #TheChosen) for Mother’s Day last year was such a gift.

A gift of gratitude from someone who doesn’t even know me.

A gift of understanding from someone who also lives with chronic pain.

And a gift of encouragement that met me right where I was.

It felt like one of those quiet reminders—that even in the middle of the hard, God sees… and sometimes He sends encouragement in the most unexpected ways.

https://www.cameo.com/recipient/663ba8d8d0d3a732bc72f3e4?_branch_referrer=H4sIAAAAAAAAA8soKSkottLXL9NLTsxNzddLzs%2FVT9X3dM8J8QnNqSrySrKvK0pNSy0qysxLj08qyi8vTi2y9c1PysxJVTUyCE5MSyzKBABO8zzORAAAAA%3D%3D&%24web_only=true&_branch_match_id=1476373656939011641

And maybe that’s part of the story too. Learning to be more vulnerable and reach out to others that live with chronic pain, becoming part of a community that understands…from their own reality.

So if I move slower, cancel plans, or seem a little off, just know I’m doing my best with what I’ve been given that day.

Please, just don’t stop inviting me.

And if you catch me on a good day…we will celebrate together. 😊

One last thing…

What might God be quietly doing in your life, even in the places that feel hardest right now?

Or

Where might God be meeting you right now—in the middle of your own questions, struggling, or waiting?

Whatever it is and whether you feel comfortable sharing or not…

🧡 and prayers,

Kimmy