the heART of Kimmy

The day I started my blog I didn’t have much of an idea about blogging in general, let alone what I would write about. It wasn’t something in my list of things to do nor did I sit and plan out what it would look like. I didn’t know if anyone would read it, let alone enjoy it. I started it because I felt called to do so. Through my Bible Study, prayer, and quiet time spent listening, God kept telling me, “Kimberly, you have something to share and it’s something that people need to hear…from you. Start a blog and just trust that I will guide you through it.” I have started several posts over the past few weeks but they just weren’t sitting right and I kept feeling stuck and that it just wasn’t the right message. I don’t consider myself a writer, but it felt like writer’s block had set in. So I just waited… waited for God to do what He told me He would do. I woke up this morning with a message on my heart, so here goes!

I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling that life seemingly gets in the way of things we want to do and even things we need to do. My family life has been a little bit crazy lately… crazy good with a speed bump or two and some tears. My family and I have celebrated an Army training graduation for our middle son, Paul. We bid farewell to our oldest son, Brendan. The Army has moved him to Texas for the next leg of his active duty journey. We have helped our girl Emma in her college application process. She is aspiring to double major in International Studies and photography. I survived a fall down the stairs at my sister’s house, without any broken bones, thankfully. Then just last week, we, along with our church family, had to say good-bye to our dear Pastor. He passed away from complications related to surgery. It has hit me harder than I imagined, and our parish community is in mourning.

Being the empathetic, highly sensitive, and emotional being that I am, the way God created me, I experience life and emotions deeply, within and from my heart. Sometimes, I wish it wasn’t the case, but I have learned to accept that it is who I am and God made me that way for a purpose…His purpose. Just as He has a purpose for everyone and everything, He does everything in His time. His timing may sometimes line up with mine, but it has nothing to do with my plan…it’s all GOD.

I’ll rewind a little bit and offer a couple of recent experiences with God’s timing in my life.

Our Pastor, Fr. Gerard “Gerry” Creedon, recently passed away. But prior to that, just a couple of months ago, one of his siblings passed away. During his leave to bury his brother, our parish had guest priests that came to help with daily Masses and weekly confessions. There was one in particular that brought such energy and joy to the Mass, but I had such a hard time deciphering his speech,  as he had a heavy accent. I don’t recall his nationality, but I struggled to understand his words and would leave Mass feeling I had missed the message. This went on for several weeks, despite my attempts to avoid his mass by changing the day and/or time I attended church. As luck… actually, as God would have it, every Mass I attended, this priest was there to celebrate. I really did my best to be attentive and listen but at any given Mass I felt I might have comprehended about one third of the homily. Anyway, he returned to his regular assigned parish and things went back to normal with Mass, the priests, and my ability to understand what was being said. Fast-forward to 16 November, our Parish suffers the loss of our Pastor. While there have not been any guests priests at our parish, his death has left a tremendous hole in my heart, in our Parish, the community, and across international boundaries.

During my attendance at Bible study this past Monday evening, during our small group discussion, God spoke to me through one of the ladies in my group, about His timing and purpose. She reminded me how I had shared about my struggles in Mass with the visiting priest. She understood and acknowledged my difficulties in both understanding the that priest as well as the death of my Pastor. She talked about how God was preparing me, in His timing, and for His purpose for this loss and for the change that it will bring, not only to our church, but in my own life, both emotionally and spiritually.

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

Just yesterday, my husband Paul and I went to look at a rental home to potentially move into at the beginning of the year.  We are positioning ourselves to sell our current home and rent through the rest of the school year. Our daughter will graduate high school in June then likely move off to college in the late summer early fall.  Our plan is to relocate back to Florida to be closer to family, settle down, and live the life of empty nesters.  Anyway, we have been looking at rentals for several weeks and have applied for three different places only to be turned down due to mismatched timelines with the home owners.  We had wanted to look at three other houses the day before Thanksgiving but were only able to see two.  One of those was not going to work for us and the other of the two would work but an application just hours ahead of ours was approved and went to a rental contract.  Paul and I both have faith in God’s timing and both agreed that we wanted to see the one other home we were interested in before we signed a contract on anything.  In His wisdom and His timing, we saw the third house yesterday.  The home is amazing, the location is desirable, and the timelines between us and the landlord is perfect.  It amazes me how when I choose, and it is a choice, to wait patiently on the Lord, EVERYTHING falls into place.

I am so thankful to God for His timing in my life. He is walking with me on this journey and He keeps reminding me that His timing is always best and is always right. He is not confined by the ticking hands on the clock, my own thoughts about how my life should go, or anything else related to my human, sinful nature. He works on me, in me, and through me in His time and for His glory.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”                                                                                       Psalm 46:10

Waiting for God and His timing isn’t always easy.  I have found it much easier when I spend more time in God’s Word, in prayer,  and in just sitting.  Sitting in His presence, listening for His voice and direction.

• Are you spending time with God daily?
• Are you trying to force your own timing in some area of your life?
• Where has God’s timing strengthened your faith?

No matter what your circumstances, be still, know that God loves you, cares for you, and will work everything out in His time.  Let go and let him take control… HE will always do what is best.

Peace and blessings,

Kimberly