I’ve been reflecting a lot about my very limited understanding of God’s ways. He patiently allows me to go about trying to manage things on my own, while thinking, “I’ve got this.” All the while, He already knows the path ahead and what will ultimately be for my good and for His glory.
I’m reminded of the promise in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” And also the assurance in Romans 8:28 that “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” I don’t know that I often see the path God has set before me, and I still trust He already knows the bigger picture.
But right now, I have to admit, I’m in a place of struggle, in the valley. Even as I say it, lyrics of the song “Flowers” by Samantha Ebert come to mind:
‘…He said to me,
“Child, I’m planting seeds
I’m a good God and I have a good plan
So trust that I’m holding a watering can
And someday you’ll see that flowers grow in the valley.” ‘
There is so much happening — physically, mentally, and emotionally—leaving me feeling deeply overwhelmed. I’m seeing a therapist for a host of reasons, I’m experiencing several physical (nothing serious) struggles on top of my ongoing, chronic pain issues, and I’m dealing with grief and life transitions. And, not so surprising, all of it together is creating some mental and emotional challenges.
I know in my heart that God gives me what I need, and that He works all things for His purposes. I do believe that. And yet, my very human mind often struggles to understand why certain seasons seem to bring so many heavy things at the same time.
I truly do want a closer relationship with Him—always. That has never changed. But if I’m being honest, I feel like I’m standing very close to my breaking point right now. Circumstances have me feeling as though I’m walking this current path, hand in hand with this character called mortality. I’m exhausted, and some days the weight of everything feels like more than I know how to carry.
Still, even in this place, I know where my help comes from. I keep reminding myself of the truth in Scripture:
“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” — 1 Peter 5:7
And also the words God spoke to Paul:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” — 2 Corinthians 12:9
Maybe that’s exactly where I am right now—in that place of weakness where I’m being reminded that I was never meant to carry everything myself.
I’m continuing to try and let go, surrendering it all to Him, again and again as necessary. Even when I don’t understand. Even when it feels like too much. Because I do know this: God is faithful. He is patient with me. And somehow, even in seasons like this, He is still working in me, on me, and through me.
For now, I’m choosing to trust that He will carry me through this season—one day, one prayer, one surrendered moment at a time.
My prayer is, if you’re also struggling, that my vulnerability in sharing my struggles will encourage you. And maybe, as someone who relates to the woman at the well, my sharing may point you to my source of help, my “Living Water” – God.
Much love and lots of prayer!
🧡 Kimmy
theheARTofkimmy 
Hi Aunt Kim!
Well written to say the least! 1st one read so far… im feeling it, im relating in many ways. I’m hoping what’s out there (the god of Abrahamin in your case) does have a human centric plan and will somehow guide us in the right direction even if everything feels wrong or off at times (maybe he’ll even consider me one day:)… So ive personally been through my own issues since Virginia. Ive had a tough 8 years (but its clearly getting better now), however a little over 2 years ago, I saw no way out of the physical and psychological pain/suffering i experienceed basically all day every day for about 5 years. I suffered to one degree or another with virtually no breaks, just varying degrees of suffering. After 5 years i reached my final breaking point one i never though i could even contemplate. But i did. I was convinced after so long there was no solution I could come up especially alone. I had my mom who helped me eat and be as comfortable as possible but she was reactive meaning she would not sit down and help me plan. Thats what i truly needed, a plan with some certainy. The amount of uncertainty alone that I experienceed was almost unbearable. I constantly felt like i was dying. Im not being overly dramatic, im actuallyholding back just in case. But yes, I too truly had to deal with my own mortality and still do quite A Bit, I just have a better grasp on it finally. I really did feel helpless a majority of this time and was actually considered disabled at one point by both of my therapists, but no id to sign up for the benefis. It was a real mess. I really needed a plan but i was basically incapable of doing that because my mind was consumed by suffering in one way or another at all times. So i could only use a small amount of brain power to try to do the things that were necessary but i could barely shower much less come up with a 12x point plan to fix my life
Now I look back on it and I’m almost glad it happened. It did not kill me, it no doubt made me stronger and I see the world much clearer. Life is too precious and way too short. Not that i did not deeply believe that before its just been reinforced tremendously from this long ever evolving experience that i had since we were last together on a regular basis. I truly appreciate every moment i dont suffer now. Even if though i have legit back neck teeth pain+ all the time, im not suffering psychologicaly the same way. Thats making the biggestdifferencein my life but is the hardest to deal with in my experience anyway. Idk, I’d thought I’d share that with you, not that we have the exact same issues but I can no doubt relate to what persistent pain can do to someone especially long term. Then if/or when you realize theres a real psychological component(s) to it as well it can take your basic pain and turn it into torture. I definitely feel for you Aunt Kim and will “Be Thinking” hard about you in the near future. If you ever want to expand on any this sometime I’m basically an open book at this point… also I’ve bookmarked your blog, I’ll be reading more… I need to sign up myself so I can give you a star… Love You Aunt Kim, See you Soon
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